A letter to baby Jacob n my son Shane R.i.P

On Nov 20th 2009 my niece had a beautiful baby boy named Jacob Daniel, he was beautiful and we all thought perfect. his 2nd day in this world Jacob was in trouble his little heart stopped and he was flown away to a  bigger hospital. Jacob was diagnosed with transportation of the greater arteries (pretty much the arteries in his tiny heart were backwards,In small terms a form of #CHD. So the hospital  did their best to maintain him as he could not have the surgery until he was 7 days old. That day came and I'll never forget my poor scared niece so far away alone with her tiny son. She kept saying "Aunt  Brenda, they said 6-8 hours its been a lot longer, & i lovingly reassured her with such a tiny heart  I was sure the doctors were taking their time,i think it reached the 12 hour mark  & my niece called Jacob was out of surgery when they got inside there were more complications that they knew of. Jacob was put on a full heart lung bypass machine to allow his tiny body to rest & heal. Now my niece has 2 other children ages 2 & 4. Once the doctors assured her they felt Jacob was fairly stable she decided she would come home a few days to be with her other 2 children for a few days and then return to be with Jacob.  My niece came home on i believe a Thursday. (Malachi n Micah her other 2 children were so happy to see mommy though they did not understand why their little brother was not home. Then came the start of our whirlwind..I had went to town to get supper & my sister came running to the car,, the hospital called needed my niece right away, Jacobs little heart had quit! they were working on him and said for mommy to get there ASAP.  So she made the fast  trip there and the nurses n doctors kept telling him hang in there buddy mommy is coming, The more they said that the more he began to respond. My niece made it there and Jacob came back but he was by no means out of the woods. My niece called me & said "Aunt  Brenda, i hate to ask you this but Jacob needs his mommy if were going to get him through this. Can you stay at grandmas (my moms) & help her with Malachi n Micah please so i can be with Jacob. There was no hesitation in my decision as you see this was all a replay for me. i lost my son Shane in June 1987  (he was born Nov 30th 1986., 1986 killed in a car wreck June 30th 1987. So I told her certainly yes, I called my husband  and  told him to pack my clothes computer and crafts i would be staying at my moms so Cas could be with Jacob as he needed his mom just as she needed to be with him. So all through the month of November I stayed at my moms caring for my  little niece n nephew &  helping my 84 yr old mom,  I took on the roll of 2nd mom getting them to all their appointments as well as  my mom to her appt.  with her doctors.(She is a 2time cancer survivor) Then Thanksgiving time  came and a call from my niece. "Aunt Brenda, Jacob flat lined again. They are working on him now., Again pure fear & heartache came over me ! I did my best playing with the  kids so they would not since my tension. This time Jacob was down over 4 hours (NOT a good  thing)but again he was back.  The doctors warned us Jacob was a sick little guy but that he was putting up one heck of a fight, Things went up and down then came the call on the night of Dec 4th Again it was my brave niece calling and I'll never forget those words "Aunt Brenda, it's time."as I began to break down that  beautiful strong niece of mine that I am so proud of said to me "Aunt Brenda, it's OK! Shane is up there waiting for him  and I'm OK with that. That night Jacob peacefully went to sleep with his mommy holding him, rocking him and giving him kisses and love from all of us. When his daddy got to the hospital, shortly after that Jacob went to sleep to go be with Jesus. The next poem you see was posted by Casandra a wonderful mom and a woman I am proud to call my niece written for her son Jacob, and now my Son Shane. Thank You all for reading this. Shane and Jacob R.I.P. Until we meet again We love you.


(For Jacob & Shane)
Wish Heaven had a phone so I could hear your voice again. I thought of you today, but that is nothing new. I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too. I think of you in silence, I often speak your name. All I have are memories and a picture in a frame. Your memory is a keepsake, from which I'll never part. God has you in his arms, I have you in my heart! I Love you and miss you so much.
I want to say, to some this blog may seem trivial some may say boring, many will be touched or I hope so, BUT for me... Aunt Brenda, this was the hardest blog I have ever wrote and I pray I never have to again!  I never met Jacob during his little life. The first time and only time I ever held him was to lift his tiny precious lifeless body from his casket, gently kiss him on the cheek, tell him I loved him and would meey him again one day. and wrap him up in th afghan that my mom had made for him as she does all her grandchildren. I then layed him back in his tiny casket.